32 weeks - we made it - no pic though

(Sorry no pic. Unlike earlier in the pregnancy when I bounced more out of bed and took a bump shot, getting out of bed these days is virtually impossible, which leaves me groggy and running late, so I forget to take a photo. Photo coming probably over the weekend.)

Yesterday, October 24, we hit what all doctors are calling "safe zone." We saw our MFM and our OB last week and both said what was music to our ears: "safe zone." It's an amazing feeling, surreal really, and we are feeling so lucky to be here. My hubby was remembering back to when our RE graduated us way back when. She said "you want to make it to 24 weeks, but really there is a lot of development that happens between 24 and 28, so try to make it to 28." She thought they were coming REALLY early. Back then, we hoped and hoped and hoped to make it to 28. Little did we know that we would SAIL right past it and then some.

Over the past week, the infertile in me has raised its head a bit. I have found myself hyper sensitive to absolutely everything going on in my body - back to the days when every twinge or cramp or symptom got over analyzed and kept me awake at night. I've found myself doing that again: "the baby movements seem smaller" (doc told me they do get smaller as the babies run out of room) or "I'm not hungry really but I am pooping a lot, is this a sign of early labor?" (turns out eating small meals constantly adds up!) or "I have more heartburn, is this preeclampsia?" (resolved this one last week and will look again at the MFM appointment in a few hours). While it is VERY important to be aware of changes, I have decided not to hyper- and overanalyze. What does that look like? Well, it means staying in touch with my docs and reporting changes, but it also means giving myself a break. So far - knock on wood - my body has shown that it is not only ready but literally MADE to carry twins. As far as pregnancies go, this has been a dream pregnancy. As far as twin pregnancies go, it's been more on the side of "miraculous." I need to trust my body. I need to trust my babies. And I need to continue to trust my doctors. They have helped us get this far with frequent monitoring and reassuring. My near constant craving for fruit no doubt has infused these babies with lots of healthy vitmins and nutrients, and my good fortune of having almost zero nausea and absolutely zero vomiting has allowed me to eat healthily throughout and take my vitamins and supplements every single day.

I know things can change overnight. And I know that having a very healthy pregnancy does NOT mean I'll make it to 35 weeks, like we are hoping. But certainly taking the emotional stress out of it and giving myself a break and ... here goes ... ENJOYING THE END OF THIS PREGNANCY!! ... can only help.

This will likely be THE. ONLY. TIME. I am pregnant. In my whole life! I am not expecting (or even hoping) to be that infertile who gets knocked up accidentally a few months after giving birth. I am not thinking or hoping that we'll do another cycle with our two remaining embryos (who knows what we'll do with them, but for now, we will continue paying to store them). I am expecting to have my babies sometime in the next 5 weeks and 6 days and that to be it for my ovaries and uterus. It takes a whole lot of stress out of the "what happens during delivery" concept but it also is a good reminder: ENJOY THE END OF THIS PREGNANCY!

So here goes nothing. Since they won't let us get past 38 weeks, I know I have 5 weeks and 6 days at the LONGEST. And I know I have at least today at the SHORTEST. Somewhere in between then, my baby girls will come. They'll have an official birthday (wild!) and their names will become public. We'll know whether they have hair at birth (like the ultrasound showed) and what their lenght and weights at birth are. For now, though, that all remains a mystery. All I know is that I am loving being pregnant and I will allow myself to ENJOY THE END OF THIS PREGNANCY!

31+4 - an update

I am SO sorry I haven't posted in a while. I had good intentions on many occasions to post, but then life got in the way. And when I say "life," I really mean "my hands." They are TERRIBLE. So swollen and sore. When I wake up, after not sleeping at all (due to needing to pee 5-6 times a night, sore hips and pulsating tingling hands), I cannot make more than a "C" with my left hand. It takes a while before I can make a very tender almost-fist.

Another reason is that I thought I had broken our computer. I randomly dropped it (thank you, hands) and at first, the screen wasn't working. Miraculously, it appears to be ok. Hope it stays that way.

At my OB's suggestion, I saw a DO last week for the carpel tunnel. I will be seeing him weekly until I deliver. Everyone has said "it'll only get worse before it gets better" and "the best medicine for it is delivery." Yikes. As it stands, unless it gets instantly better with delivery, I won't be holding my babies while standing up as I don't trust my hands one bit.

On better news, the babies are doing GREAT. They got weighed 2 weeks ago and each baby is over 4 pounds - ahead of the game, which is fantastic. And I'm rapidly approaching the golden "32 week" date (Thursday) so things are really looking good around here. The girls' fluids are still the same, my cervix is long and closed (at the last check) and I've only been having random contractions so nothing anyone is worried about.

I did have to go in last week unexpectedly to the specialist because I woke up and my face seemed more swollen than normal. Hubby immediately commented on it so I called in. They had me come in for a urine sample (negative for protein - yeah!), blood work (negative for anything bad - yeah!) and a non-stress test (NST) because my blood pressure was ever so slightly elevated. Despite it's name, it was stressful for this mama but things looked great. Hilariously, baby A wanted NOTHING to do with the monitor. Everytime they put it on her, she'd do the biggest move I've ever seen and push it off. They'd have to come back replace it and tighten it. Finally she agreed to leave it alone. Baby B, on the other hand, didn't move it away once and just was content with them listening to her (perfect, beautiful) heartbeat. Here's a picture of the NST on my (enormous) belly.

A few days after this fiasco, I went in to see my OB at a regularly scheduled appointment. She measured my 31 week belly - I am measuring 41 weeks! It makes me want to scream when people (and I mean everyone) says "you're so small for twins!" They don't seem to hear me when I say "I am measuring more than full term for a single baby despite having 9 weeks of pregnancy left." Oh well. I am HUGE. Here's a belly pic from last week. Not sure where I was, but it was sometime just before 31 weeks.

Last week, we had our final two baby showers. My work threw me a lunchtime one on Monday and it was lovely. A pot luck with so many supportive and smiley faces. I shared it with a co-worker who is 5 weeks behind me (with one baby). Then, Friday night, hubby's work threw us what we joked was a "drunken baby shower." It was at a local brewery and everyone was happily getting tipsy (or worse) on microbrews and wine. It was so fun but by the time I got home - after being at work all day, then at the OB appointment, then straight to the baby shower - my feet were SO SWOLLEN. Yikes. Fluid retention (remember my hands!) is definitely my main pregnancy symptom. I'll take it as it's my only one, but it is really getting in the way of me doing anything. Permanently numb fingers make doing anything virtually impossible.

What else? Oh, a week and a half ago, we went in for our "car seat safety check." The seats went in great but once they were in, we quickly realized that our Subaru Forester wasn't big enough. I had to bring my seat forward almost a foot from where I like to have it to drive. I could barely get in the driver's seat with my giant belly. Hubby and I spent Saturday trying to figure out a solution: manipulate the carseats; I'll just drive with no shoes on ever. None of those "solutions" seemed viable. So we went car shopping on Sunday and traded our fully paid off 2006 Subaru Forester for a car payment on a 2013 Subaru Outback (with 10,000 miles on it). We are, despite the car payment, so happy with the new car. AND IT'S STICK SHIFT! I grew up in Europe and have never owned an automatic car. I chocked it up to enough of an identity crisis to be having babies (I've gained over 50 pounds already) and to be taking 9 months off work ... but in reality, I JUST WANT A STICK SHIFT! My identity is wrapped up in that and, more importantly, I love love love driving stick shift. Friends with kids have told me "you'll want your extra hand to deal with your babies" but I just can't agree with that. I don't want to be an unsafe driver and therefore, I don't want to be using my other hand to turn around partially or fully even for a second. If there is a true emergency, I'll do what I need to do and / or pull over. But if it's something benign, in my opinion, it's not worth risking everyone and other drivers on the road to turn around. So, therefore, I have my second hand still for my stick shift. YEAH YEAH YEAH! I also really want my daughters to learn how to drive stick shift for so many reasons. This will get them accustomed to it very early on. Oh, and the carseats fit in PERFECTLY with so much extra room.

I'll try to be better about posting. I'll for sure get a 32 week picture up once (knock on wood) I get there.

Bump picture - 28+4

Just because I didn't have one last week, here's a shot from this morning. I pulled the grey sweater up because it's not form fitting.

28 weeks!

Well, we made it - THIRD TRIMESTER OFFICIALLY! Twin complications aside, 28 weeks = these girls have a 90% survival rate if they were to come out now. This is amazing to us both. I can feel A move ALL. THE. TIME. It hurts sometimes, even, when she throws a shoulder or drags her elbow against my thinning belly. Makes me jump but I wouldn't change it for the world.

I don't feel B as much, but nobody seems worried and says it's because of my placent placement. I do feel her when I drink cold water and then lie on my left side - she apparently doens't like being squished and lets me know!

I had a scan on Tuesday and they look great. A's heartbeat was at 162 which made the u/s tech re-test her because 160 is the "ok" cut off apparently. Her next heartbeat check was 156. Tech (who TTCd for 10 years and finally had an IVF cycle work for her 12 years ago) was much happier and told me baby's heartbeats go up with braxton hicks contractions. I was in there for a scan because I'd been having a LOT of BH contractions as well as some slight cramping and some rectal pressure. Turns out my cervix remains LONG and CLOSED which is a good sign.

We finished our 4 week birthing class on Tuesday night. It was a really helpful and useful class but I am glad that it's over. I am so so so tired these days that having a class from 7-9 on Tuesdays that usually went a little long and didn't have us getting home until 9:40 or so was exhausting to me. The work weeks recently have been really taxing on me. Plus the travel to Chicago and the week day classes, I was feeling a bit like a walking zombie. Still am, but am glad we don't have many evening commitments left. Next week, however, we have one final evening class - Infant CPR for 3 hours.

We're taking our "all things twins" class this weekend, Saturday and Sunday 1-5. Will be good, I hope, and is taught by a doula who specializes in twins. We're meeting with her on October 6 to see about hiring her to be our doula. She's the owner of a doula group that also does post-partum doula so we'll be hiring someone to come in a couple of nights a week to give us some reprieve (we've been told by other twin parents that it is a MUST).

This past weekend I had my Portland baby shower, thrown by two good friends. So many friends, old and newer, came to celebrate these girls, including one of my oldest friends from California. It was truly amazing to be surrounded by so many strong, independent women, all sending their energy our way. We didn't play any games other than "guess the size of her belly" with ribbon. I actually won, and was only an inch off on the size (I drew out a ribbon that was 108 centimeters long and my belly is 109 centimeters wide) but I of course don't get to win that game. The winner was pretty close, I believe. It was HILARIOUS how small and large some people guessed. The shortest wasn't even 1/2 my belly and the longest probably fit around me twice. Yikes!

On the whole, I am doing well, but I am also really starting to feel this twin pregnancy. I am measuring at 35 weeks and my back and knees feel it. My knees HURT when I crouch down and I let out a grown. My hands are both always tingly from the carpal tunnel and they hurt, so watching me get up from the ground or out of bed is hilarious since I don't have stomach muscles and don't have hands that are easy to rely on or put pressure on. My fingertips are totally numb, which means I have to be careful picking things up so as not to drop them. And while I used to be the fastest walker around, I now get passed by absolutely everyone as I waddle my way around. I am not sleeping - I am up to pee 3-4 times a night and then also awake at other times because my hips ache or my hands are tingly and sore. I used to wake up with the sun, which in the summer time means before 5am. Now, it's a struggle for me to get out of bed by 8 and I just want to lie around and snooze. I have never hit snooze on the alarm before this pregnancy and now it is my best friend!

My doc told my this week that I look tired and that he wants me to start to pull back. I am trying to figure out how to make that happen.

No belly shot yet but I will take one and upload it.

27 weeks!

This was a big week. Depending on which calculation you use, I am either in the final week of the second trimester now or ... THIS IS THE START OF THE THIRD TRIMESTER. Either way, EEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!!!!

We flew to Chicago last Friday. Flying was on the NO list for the majority of this pregnancy. Why? Well, irrationally, I blame a couple of things for my miscarriage last summer. I was in a 3-day trial the week we lost the pregnancy, so of course trial work was OUT as soon as I got pregnant. But then I also flew to Chicago for a family weekend get-together - two weeks later, the pregnancy was over. I know neither of these things likely had anything to do with the loss, but both of them were OUT as soon as I got pregnant this time.

However ... our MFM urged us to have a baby shower with family there. "Tradition" he called it and told us we deserve to engage in these fun activities and create memories with family. So we booked mileage tickets and headed to Chicago.

The shower - themed "Thing 1 and Thing 2" was thrown by two of my sister-in-laws. It was hosted at my mum's house as she has a beautiful gorgeous amazing garden. The weather could not have been nicer and we had a garden party. Almost the whole family was there and even long-time family friends from New Hampshire and Kentucky came in for it. I was overwhelmed and cried a few times during the day.

I wore compression socks, drank more water than I thought possible and walked around a lot on the flight there and home. And ... YEAH ... the babies didn't die! I was so happy to feel them Monday afternoon. I think they were tired, though, because they were much quieter than usual. They're back to their rambunctious selves, though, which I love.

I had an 27 week OB appointment today. Again, they look wonderful. Perfect. Great. All good news.

And, because I am carrying twins, I am measuring THIRTY-FOUR WEEKS! Wow. 34 weeks. That's almost full term.

I did catch a cold this week, probably from the travel and a compromised immune system. It had me home from work yesterday at lunch and all day today. I slept most of today after the OB appointment and am now feeling much better. My back is spasming from the cold - I always carry a cold in my back - but gentle stretching is helping.

I do laugh that I caught a cold. On Monday at a work meeting, I sat next to a woman. She moved away saying "I have a cold, you don't want to sit next to me." I said "oh, I'm not worried." Why did I say that? Because I never ever ever get sick. I have the most awesome of immune systems (probably EXACTLY why I needed to get the natural killer cell treatment to get and stay pregnant). My immune system now? Not so great. Apparently, it sucks. I got sick Tuesday night, less than 24 hours after any exposure. Oops!

On a much more fun note, two handmade quilts from Toni arrived today. THANK YOU! They are beautiful and the girls will absolutely be safe and warm and happy in them.

Finally, and sorry for the disjointed nature of this blogpost, we have our Portland baby shower Saturday! I cannot wait to see dear friends, including one who is coming up from California. Again, I feel so so so honored. Also coming is my infertility yoga instructor who is a mom through donor egg. And many of the brave women I met through this IF journey are coming, despite baby showers traditionally being hard on an infertile. I simply cannot wait to have the girls surrounded once again by strong, loving and supportive women. 

I am feeling so very lucky right about now. Let's continue to hope that things continue to go so well.

Big couple of days

On Monday, I went in for my glucose test. I was a little nervous about it, given that I have a twin pregnancy (higher risk for gestational diabetes) and that I have a sweet tooth that has mostly manifested itself in lots and lots and lots of fruit but also does love to eat ice cream and chocolate.

Turns out, my worries were for naught. I passed the initial test and then passed the one hour and two hour test with flying colors. Apparently everyone at the office was holding their breath on my results and was ecstatic at how good the numbers were.

I also had an anemia test and the nurse told me she has never seen such good blood count numbers in a twin pregnancy. I am of course very relieved with this news.

Today, we went in for an ultrasound at the MFM's office. We still go there every 2 weeks. The girls look GREAT - their fluid sacs are equal (TTTS red flags if not), their bladders and stomachs were easily visible (TTTS red flags if not) and their sizes are almost the same (9% difference and anything over 20% difference is a concern). One weighs 2 pounds 1 ounce, the other weighs 2 pounds 4 ounces. The most conservative and worrier doctor read our ultrasounds (I was told to avoid her when I was looking for an MFM because she freaks out easily) and even she said things look perfect.

And my cervix - my beautiful and strong and diligent cervix - is still measuring over 4cm! Even with pressure. 

I was given the a-ok to fly to Chicago for our first baby shower - we leave Friday. So exciting!

So these past few days have been big and splendid and just amazing. The girls are moving and kicking like crazy and I have been RAVENOUS the past few days (the past few nights, I've had to get up to make a sandwich in the middle of the night, which is a first for this pregnancy). And my belly has been itching. So I think another growth spurt is happening.

So in love with these girls. So hopeful things continue to go well. Feeling so lucky.

25 weeks

I can't help but think the girls (aka my tummy) had a growth spurt. I didn't realize until later that I was wearing the same shirt, but I think it highlights the change:

24 weeks:

25 weeks

This week, the carpal tunnel, especially in my left hand, has been so bad. I've been awake a lot at night in pain, which has made me very tired during the work day. I have taken to icing my wrist and hand throughout the day and evening and will try to pick up a carpal tunnel wrist brace (OB's suggestion) for at night. Ouch.

Other than that, things are good and easy. Girls are moving a LOT and I'm still feeling pretty good.