15 weeks today

Hot diggity, how on earth did I get to 15 weeks already?! I am so busy ignoring my pregnancy and hiding it from the real world that I can't believe I'm here already. My supervisor at work asked me when I'm going to announce, since it's a little hard on her to answer questions about my reduced caseload without being able to spill the beans. Also, I'm TOTALLY showing so it's a little silly that I just walk around pretending I can hide it by drawing my cardigan around my tummy.

Symptoms: I have some light cramping and INSOMNIA still. Which means EXHAUSTION still. We see our OB on Monday* and I will ask her to check my iron and B12 levels, just to make sure.

Also, my craving for fruit is GONE. I don't really want anything to eat, and have to force myself to eat. I have weird cravings now, like last night I asked for two soft boiled eggs (from our chickens, so I am ok eating soft boiled) and some baby carrots. I've been eating a lot of fold over sandwiches with peanut butter and my own home made jam (which is interesting because in all the years I've been making jam, I have never been interested in eating my own jam, even though it's delicious!).

I'm approaching the time when TTTS can start in an identical twin pregnancy, so I'm really upping my protein intake. Fingers crossed we don't fall into the 15+% of people who have to deal with TTTS.

Finally, here is a bump picture from this morning. I'm really showing!

And, because I don't think I ever added it, here's a photo from June 19th, when I was 13w6d (doc said "everything looks perfect" at that point):

* We hope to learn gender at the OB appointment on July 1!

13 week update (actually my 13w5d update)

I was traveling for work last week and wasn't able to get on to do a 13 week update.

I entered the 2nd trimester on Thursday, June 13. Ummm ... HOLY SHIT! Provided these bubs are still in there (and I'm not always convinced), things are still moving in the right direction.

New symptoms:

--- I have been feeling some fluttering / movement for a few weeks now. At first I thought it was impossible but now I am convinced it's them. My theory for why I have been feeling them so early is two-fold: (1) I'm an infertile who has spent almost 4 years paying attention to EVERY damn THING  that happens, so of course I'm paying attention like a hawk, and (2) there are two babies in one sac, meaning the equivalent of one baby twice their size, meaning there is no surprise I can feel them so early on.

--- bring on the water works. I have been in or on the verge of tears since Friday. On Sunday night, my dog asked to go on a walk and that made me cry.

--- exhaustion is back full-on, as is insomnia.

--- the hemorrhoids and potential constipation have gone.

--- I am slightly crampy, which I am trying not to worry about.

And, because a few of you really were bugging me (in a good way!) to take a belly shot, I took my first one. I actually took two, but one is in my underwear and I don't want to post it. It wasn't until I looked at the two photos that I thought "oh, I am really showing" and "holy shit, this is real!"

I'll try to do them on Thursdays so it's easier to mark the progression

This photo is from 13w4d:

12 weeks today!

Today is a day of firsts.

First time hitting 12 weeks.

First time NOT TAKING A SHOT!!!!! (I had planned on going through and including 12 weeks, having requested the 2 weeks extra past 10 weeks, but when I couldn't find a place that didn't hurt, I poured the PIO down the drain and said "no shot today, honey, we're done!")

First time RIDING MY BIKE TO WORK as a pregnant woman! The last time I rode my bike was March 27 or 28. My mum arrived the end of that week for Easter so I drove in order to pick her up. And then on April 1, I drove straight to work from dropping her at the airport that morning. Then our transfer was April 2 and our RE said "no bike riding." Met with an OB a few weeks ago and he deferred the bike riding question to the MFM. Met with the MFM last Friday and he totally ok'd it! Monday I was too sick, Tuesday hubby drove and I went with him, yesterday I had to drive 4 hours round-trip for work, and then today I RODE MY BIKE!!!! Slowly and carefully and loving every second of it. This is HUGE because I am a bike commuter. I have ridden my bike almost every day since starting this job in August 2007. I have been missing it and I loved riding it again today. When I took my bike out of the garage, I said "hello, old friend!"

Today is a super dooper fantastic day in my books.

I'm not entirely sure when the 2nd trimester starts. Some docs have told me "the start of week 13" but the MFM ultrasound tech last week told us "start of the 14th week." Either way, I am (hopefully) marching my way towards that.

Symptoms that came on during the past week:

--- hemorrhoids - mild ones but I suspect they'll only get worse. Yuck.

--- mild constipation - (TMI alert) - still having regular BMs but they are starting to hurt a bit. Double yuck. I am eating anywhere from 4-6 whole pieces of fruit a day. I can only imagine what this would be like if I didn't have a fruit appetite!

--- exhaustion went away for a few days and it's back back back! This one I don't mind as snuggling with kitties and doggies after work is always a great thing.

Our mini-resolve group of women who met regularly has formed a mini-pregnant-resolve group. There are 6 of us so far and we're having our first get-together tonight. It'll be nice to see them and also be in a room of women who are pregnant after infertility. It is a strange place to be, back feeling that I don't belong anywhere. I certainly don't feel like I belong in a room of fertile pregnant women, and I feel like I am too far along to go to the resolve meetings. So, until we formed this group, I felt back on an island by myself. But tonight, I will see my friends and we will talk pregnant-after-infertility stuff and all the other fun stuff. One of the women (who is about 24 weeks pregnant) has a bunch of maternity clothes she doesn't want so we get to go through those tonight. My first maternity gear acquisition!

The language of infertiles

I am almost 12 weeks pregnant. By now, many fertiles have officially announced, have baby shower ideas and are happily in the bliss of being pregnant.

I, on the other hand, have done almost nothing (despite showing a bit so it's becoming hard to hide).

And I notice that my choice of language is still VERY infertile sounding.

Some examples:

"If they both survive, we're having twins."

"If they both make it, we won't make our due date."

In a text to my two SiLs today: "When / if it comes time, can you ladies help me set up a baby registry?"

At any given ultrasound recently, with total surprise: "Oh, they're still in there!"

There are more. What other ones have you ladies found yourselves using?

I must reek of infertility with my choice of words. I wonder if / when it goes away!

11w2d and our first trip to the perinatologist

Things could not have gone better yesterday.

At 11w1d, we had our first appointment with the perinatologist. He came highly recommended by someone I know who went through modi twins and TTTS and laser surgery. She warned us that he was direct and didn't have a good bedside manner, but that he's really really REALLY smart and knows his shit.

Turns out we like him! (and he is wicked smart). His bedside manner was no different than most of the REs we've met (technical, nerdy, geeky, smart) but we're used to that and are fond of it even!

First stop yesterday was the geneticist. We talked about trisome 13, 18 and Down Syndrome. After weighing all options, we decided to do the available blood draw that day, followed by the nucal scan that day and if all looked good on the nucal scan, we'd wait until the anatomy scan at week 16-20, and if need be, decide on an amnio at that point.

Next stop was the ultrasound. Again, I expected to have to get undressed, but she did only a belly ultrasound. Oh, to feel so NORMAL! The u/s tech, Barbara, was simply amazing. She and her hubby went through 9 years of IVF before getting their (now 14 year old) daughter. She hugged us both and chatted happily away through the u/s.

The babies: THEY ARE BOTH STILL IN THERE!! One measured at 11w2d, the other at 11w5d. One had a heartbeat of 172 bmp, the other of 176 bmp. And BOTH were having a DANCE PARTY in there!

Barbara quickly got to the nucal scan part. BOTH HAVE VERY SMALL (less than 1 mm) nucals which was music to our ears.

At that point, I started crying. I had been good about staying more detached this pregnancy, but when we heard about the good nucal scan, I lost it.

At the end of the hour-long u/s, a random doc came in to read the u/s and she smiled at us and said "your babies are perfect." More music to our ears!

Before leaving the room, hubby and I made a deal with the babies. We told them - and all 4 of us shook on it - that they can have a car when they're 16 if they stay in until 34 weeks or beyond.  We then left the room and I gave my first pee sample as a pregnant lady. Apparently they test proteins and stuff in my urine. 

Final stop was meeting with Dr. J. He was great and he also said "your babies are perfect." He went on to tell us things we knew: TTTS is a risk (but only a small one) and we won't make our due date (but he wants us to get to 37 weeks!!!).

He also told us some things we didn't know, including I COULD STILL HAVE A VAGINAL DELIVERY! I put that in all caps mainly because I was shocked it's possible, not because I'm overly excited about it. I had become very comfortable with the idea of a scheduled c-section, and in fact even said last fall "If I get pregnant, I want them to just cut the babies out so my body can't fuck anything else up." So c-section was actually sounding pretty perfect to me. Now we have more to think about and decide. But not right now, since it'll be a game-time decision if we decide to try a vaginal birth. It all depends on the way the first baby is facing.

And then we learned something VERY cool. The idea of a breach baby is not a danger to the baby per se, but the legs and hips are not the widest things so they won't stretch the cervix the proper amount to let the baby / babies out. What this means is that if the FIRST baby is facing the right direction and comes out head first, then the second baby came come out however it chooses, even feet first!

Next appointments are 3, 5 and 7 weeks from now. The  week appointment is the full anatomy scan!