Monday, December 3, 2012

Be your OWN advocate

I have learned a lot over the last almost-three years of infertility. But the biggest lesson, unfortunately, is that I have to be my own advocate.

And you each must be your own advocate, too.

Our REs specialize in getting us pregnant, but when push comes to shove, they have lives and families and we are just work. They go home at night, most often to their own children. They don't have an incentive to work on their off weekends or to stay at work late to call us. There is an occasional exception, but I suspect those of us who repeatedly don't get pregnant despite their reproductive techniques become tiring to them.

So we need to be our own advocates. Speak up, speak loud, speak often. If you learn of a test that might apply, ask for it if you want it done.

Today I was reminded of the importance of being our own advocates. A blogger who has become a friend learned her recent 8w miscarriage died because of Trisomy 12. The only reason this blogger got the D&C this time was because she asked for it. The shocking news is that she has had FIVE prior 6-8 week losses and not-a-once did her doctor order a D&C or suggest karyotyping. It wasn't until this blogger / friend spoke up and asked for it that it was done. And while the information she learned today is very difficult on her and her husband, it is information and might mean the difference between more losses and her finally getting a take-home baby.

SO, please, BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE. Even if your insurance is paying the bill, your RE / OB is still getting paid large amounts of money to focus on one thing: YOUR REPRODUCTION! You are entitled to get what you want (i.e. what you pay for) and you should NOT be ashamed to speak up.


  1. I agree with you 1000%. Too often, in an effort to be agreeable, we don't stand up for ourselves. We assume that our doctors know best and we don't want to bother anyone. Yet sometimes, the simple act of speaking up changes things. To ask "why are we doing this" or "can you tell me why we aren't considering X" can make all the difference.

  2. This is great advice! Thank you!!! We have another appointment tomorrow so I will remember this.

  3. Unfortunately the doctors we see have other patients. I often feel like so many of us slip through the cracks. I've learned to be loud. We all have to be. I'm glad you are reminding us of that.