HUGE decision made - here we go again

We spent all week humming and haaing about what to do next. We were given 4 donor options - those 4 donors have a "small set" that has been made available to us. Meaning, there are 4 donors who have 5 eggs frozen as a "small set." That's what we asked for. Of the 4, there was 1 who looked awesome at first. Then we noticed that her paternal and material grandparents have lymphoma / leukemia, pancreatic cancer and Alzheimer's. That was too nerve-wracking for us to accept, so we had to axe her. She looked great because she - like our previous donor - is young and looks similar to me. But those diseases just scared us too much and since it won't be us getting sick with those later in life, we didn't feel entitled to accept that donor.

That left one more who looked interesting to us. Unlike the other 2 options, this final one is fair in coloring (meaning, she looks like me). She has healthy siblings who have children, she has healthy parents (save one diagnosis that isn't genetic), she has two children of her own AND she is a proven donor. She's an engineer and is athletic.

But ... she donated those eggs at age 32. We know the set she donated from gave a family twins. But still. She's 32. When we switched to the donor egg bank program, our Portland doctor told us to avoid two things: IVF left-over eggs that were donated and donors over 30. HOLY SHIT we're going AMA!

A blogging friend reminded me that there are TONS of 32 year olds who get pregnant just by looking at their partner. Hubby and I thought about our friends who got pregnant in their early 30s and we realized there are a fair amount of them who got pregnant quickly and easily.

So ... WE MADE THE DECISION. And emailed Seattle the news.

Our new favorite number is 339.

Our reproductive future lies with 339.

Not that we absolutely won't do anything further, but our conversations are really leaning towards one of two things if this doesn't work: (1) hire an adoption attorney and put the work in the hands of someone, or (2) move to Africa and help animals / humans there are just move past this phase. As my hubby VERY APTLY pointed out, there is a LOT that is bigger and more important than this journey we've been stuck in. We are not defined by whether or not we have children. And there is plenty we can give back to the world if we are not limited and held back by having children.

Who knows what decision will come next. As you can imagine, I hope not to have to make that decision. But we are prepared with options in the (likely) event that we have to.

Now I will take the next few months to get HEALTHY and READY for this cycle. I am in no rush to get it done. Maybe we'll start birth control sometime in January or February, to give you an idea of what timeline we're on. My yoga for fertility class continues for another 6 sessions (and then probably will start a new session) and I'm continuing to go to RESOLVE big and small-group meetings. I'm back to biking daily to work, walking the dogs, eating well and sleeping ok.

HOLY SHIT. HERE GOES ABSAFUCKINGEVERYTHING (again).