Today is my due date. Had things not gone so terribly wrong on September 4, I would be a brand new mom / almost a mom on today. I fell in love with this date last summer.
Today I am also 5dp5dt. Last pregnancy, I got my first bfp today. This time, I am too scared to test today.
Why? For a couple of reasons. (1) I'm an IDIOT and tested on 3dp5dt. Stupid, I know. WAY TOO EARLY, I know. But when it was negative, it sent my head into a tailspin. I have recovered from that in that I'm not in a funk anymore, but I am still convinced that this cycle is a bust. (2) I am terrified of what a(nother) bfn will do to my head today. It's already a sad day for me. I cried a lot about it yesterday and reminded hubby of what tomorrow should have / could have been. Today, I am quiet, not sad as much as baseline. If my moods are a heartbeat monitor, I am flat flat flat today. (3) It might be positive. I'm not sure why that's a reason to not test, but it seems like one.
We got an invite in the mail yesterday to my niece's first birthday party - at the end of April. That means my SiL and BiL who easily conceived her (on the first try) will be gearing up to make number two. And, of course, you all know my sister is somewhere on the verge of starting to TTC. This could be deja vu from last year when family members are popping out babies and I'm sitting around just watching. I am hoping hoping hoping that's not the case. Please, oh please let this cycle work for us.