Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Picking up my meds and thoughts on 1 versus 2

Today, I picked up my meds. I start Lupron on February 24 and wanted to wait as long as I could to pick them up - keep the meds fresh, I guess! This weekend is a long weekend and we'll be in Seattle on Friday for my SIS, then we're headed to visit two sets of friends in southern Oregon and on the coast on Saturday and Sunday. The pharmacy will be closed on Sunday and Monday and I don't drive to work normally so it's hard to pick up my meds during the week. Then, next weekend we are going away to the coast with two sets of couple friends, and I start my Lupron that Sunday morning. So, when I had to drive out to western Oregon for work, I decided to pick up my meds on the way home. Here they are:

I have been thinking a lot about 1 versus 2 embryos for transfer. During my own-egg fresh IVF cycle, there was no question: we were putting 2 back in. There ended up being no "decision" as we only had 2 left by day 5 and they were shitty quality (I believe they were actually dead, but that's a different conversation). So we put them both in.

For our first donor egg bank cycle last summer, there was also no question: 2 it is! This was the case even though they were both perfect, grade AA embryos. I didn't hesitate for even a second.

Leading up to this cycle, there was no question in my mind. I even blogged about it a few weeks back. That I had told friends "wild horses couldn't convince me to put 1 in." And then I started to question it.

I suspect one of two things is happening: either (1) I am just feeling really good about this cycle and the chances of a take-home baby, or (2) I am getting scared of "wasting" two embryos in one shot. I am going to go with (1) because I truly think that's what it is. I am feeling good and healthy and excited.

At yoga on Sunday night, I asked the two moms (suffering secondary infertility) whether they wish they had twins and that they weren't desperately trying for a second. One of them had just broken down in our weekly "check-in" and told us she was considering giving up. She told me "I never thought it would be this hard to get pregnant the 2nd time. The first IUI worked last time." The other mom, who is in her 2ww, told me "I would do anything to avoid this round." Hearing their fears and anxiety made it very clear to me: I AM PUTTING TWO IN.

I am closing in on 36 (in August). Things in my uterus and my body are not going to get even MORE baby friendly as I continue to get older. I think it's hard to get pregnant now? Imagine what it'll be like when I'm pushing 38. No thank you. If I can get two out of this round and BE DONE WITH BABY MAKING, it is worth the risks and stress to me. I understand there are complications with twins. Hubby and I have talked about it ad nauseum. But hearing those women and seeing the fear in their eyes as they start to sit with the idea of their kids being a singleton made my decision easy. I don't want to have to spend $30,000 and the emotional pain of adoption to make a sibling. If we choose to do that, it's one thing. But I don't want to have to.

Two it is.

What do you ladies all thing of one versus two?


  1. Given the heartache and heartbreak of infertility + the issues we dealt with caused by prematurity, I cannot say enough about the blessing of twins.

    My husband and I always knew we wanted two children, but if we'd only gotten 1 take-home baby that summer of 2010 - I'd have an only child.

    They're my miracle boys. And part of me always thinks of their lost brother or sister (we lost a triplet at 14w) was (is) the guardian angel to help bring them home.

    I've got everything tightly crossed for you to get your take-home-tot this go round. (But I won't lie - I'm secretly hoping you get twins.)

  2. It's a complicated issue, and you find lots of views that are passionate either way. We went with only one up until this last year. Our doc thought two might work where one never did, and also that with our history it was unlikely two would both take! I think the biggest thing to think about is embryos splitting. Thinking through the odds of that, and weighing triplets into the mix. Having said all that, no regrets. I doubt our little one would have made it without his brother, and whatever happens I'm glad he's having his chance.
    Btw, money is a factor too, maybe more over there than in Aus?

  3. You definitely bring up good points. All I can say is you have four beautiful embryos waiting on you. I think going with either option isn't a good choice. You are going to be a mother. To how many children, I don't know.

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  5. Sorry removed my comment as I wasn't sure you wanted your name up there. I'm with you on putting two back. I'll be doing the same too. Can't wait to get started on my protocol! Good luck to you.

  6. I have strong opinions on this and I have blogged about it before in my 'SET' post. But I think there are exceptions. You have had losses and are AMA. I would probably say Two should be fine (although it could make it more possible you lose both). If it were me in your situation I would want the healthiest pregnancy possible with the lowest risk factors - that means one. I would try for one on the first transfer and if it didn't take, try two the second time around.

    There is a lot to think about but I think you will make the best decision for you.


  7. I start my daily Lupron shots on Feb 20th for IVF #1- we will only be 4 days off each other!

    My husband and I have talked a lot about this as well. We want two children and I worry that we will only have the money or we will run out of time to have two. There are definite health risks with twins, but ultimately, I think it comes down to the quality of the embryos and what your doctor thinks.

  8. Fingers and toes crossed for you. I feel really good about this cycle too - whether you end up with one or two. Safe travels!

  9. Thanks for commenting on my blog!

    Well, I'm probably the wrong person to ask this because I put three back and ended up with three relatively healthy babies. I know several women who didn't have as good of an outcome as I did, so I am incredibly lucky.

    I also understand (all too well!) the desperation that comes from infertility. Once you start adding up how long you are pregnant, plus the postpartum recovery time, and then what if it takes more than one cycles to become pregnant again...that time adds up quickly. I get wanting to put two back, being okay with getting twins. But the best and healthiest pregnancy you could have is with a singleton, obviously. It is a hard decision to make, especially when the outcomes are so unknown.

    For me, I always wanted three children. But my husband and I had already agreed that our last IVF was it. I wasn't doing it again. So I was extremely excited to find out we were having triplets....and then terrified by all the stuff that comes along with multiples!

  10. I haven't started down the IVF road yet, but I've definitely thought about it a lot during the last 5 years of trying to conceive! I'm pretty sure I'd transfer 2. Twins would be wonderful. I know I want at least 2 kids.

  11. I say 2! you are both going to be amazing parents and twins would be wonderful, and visiting me in maine - I have 2 friends with twin girls but Identical. But they both cannot have more childrend and they are extremely happy with there beautiful babies!
    I am so excited for the next 5 weeks!!!