Thursday, February 28, 2013

thanks ... and songs

Would you please visit Lola at Waiting For Baby. They just suffered another devastating loss.


Thank you all for your helpful responses to my last blog post. I was really in a panicked, sad space. Being able to blog about it in a completely safe space has - for over two years - allowed me to vent, process, move on and leave behind. No longer do thoughts have to fester inside of me with no chance of a safe outlet. Now, I have blogging and resolve where I can speak freely without concern or worry.

I realize that I have no control over what will happen in 2013. Who will get what first and when it will all happen. And, you are right, that it doesn't matter. What does matter is that I am emotionally and physically healthy and working towards my own cycle. I want to give this cycle the best chance possible. I want a take-home baby and it doesn't matter whether I am first or second. Thank you for helping me get more comfortable here.



Those who know me well know that I have an unexpected (due to my somewhat farmerness and hippiness) love of poppy music. I don't know the artists' names and rarely know the song names. But I love poppy music. I know the words to all the popular songs and get excited when certain ones come on the radio. My husband thinks I am certifiable!

Each of the major cycles, there has been one song that suddenly became popular during my cycle. I blogged about it on my other blog during my own fresh IVF cycle.

For that fresh IVF cycle, the song was Kelly Clarkson's What Doens't Kill You Makes You Stronger. When I first heard that song while doing the stim meds, I knew in the bottom of my heart that things were about to go poorly for us and the cycle.

During out first donor egg bank cycle, this song came on when I was newly pregnant: Katy Perry's Wide Awake. This will sound strange, but while driving one day, I heard this song and the lyrics about falling from cloud nine and I had this thought: "I am about to fall from cloud nine" and I knew in my heart of hearts that I would. And, as you know, I did.

(when I was pregnant in July 2011, I had a new pair of earings on that my husband had just bought for me. I lost one on my Sunday drive home from a fun weekend in Seattle and thought "that's a bad omen." Sure enough, I was diagnosed with an ectopic two days later)

This cycle, this song is on and I love it: Of Monster and Men's Little Talks. I have NO IDEA WHAT IT MEANS. I do like the line about "this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore." I'm staying positive that this song means good things about this cycle. It certainly isn't as obviously ominous as other songs / incidents were.

And, finally, NPR is showcasing five songs, the first of which is a beautiful song about infertility. You can find it here. Scroll down past the picture of the cute blonde and click the play icon for "Miranda Dodson 'Try Again'"


  1. Interesting music choices. I have to say that because I can't get a strong enough signal with my stereo I rarely listen to music while at home unless it is on the computer.

    I'm so hopeful for you and excited too.

  2. This is it. It has to be. You are trying again and that is brave and strong. Love the song.

  3. I'm glad that letting it all hang out in the blogosphere helped to calm you. The thing I have loved about blogging so far is the fact that I know I can speak my ugliest, most bitter thoughts and that others will understand, they don't define who I am as a person, and it helps me to process. I totally get where you're coming from.
    Thanks for sharing song choices, I'm going to check out Little Talks! Also, Miranda Dodson's song is beautiful and heartbreaking.

  4. I love that you have a song refrence to your strugles, and I have no idea what "Little Talks" mean either, but I think it's really good things, now i need to relisten to that song.... Thinking good thoughts for you!!! XXXooooo!!